She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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