my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
