you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
