I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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