I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We left the knife in your bed.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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