So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Success! We fucked roommates!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
