I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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