my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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