i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
