are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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