i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Randomize
