Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
