hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
