Nicole vs. Life
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
