he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
