I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
