I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
