Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
