smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
