it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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