i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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