Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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