I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
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My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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