lets start a swedish sibling band together
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
