Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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