I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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