Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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