Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
