This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
