i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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