i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
