Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
