): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Houston, we have a blender
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
