I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
