Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
