it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
