The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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