areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
