Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
