The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
