dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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