even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
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youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
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She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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