tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
