I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I believe in your delicious
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
