The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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