I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
