You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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