I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
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oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
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New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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