I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
