dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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