i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
