using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
