Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
