jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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