Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
