chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
