I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
