My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
