She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
